Forum posts
Showing 1 to 4 of 4 forum posts
24.01.11, 20:00
and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended
when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this
vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of
it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove
box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after
I shot and killed the woman who owns this car
and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called
his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by
police, and the captain approached the driver
to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove
box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove
box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk?
I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer
who stopped you said you told him you didn't
have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the
glove box, and that there was a dead body in the
trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding,
too.
Post your jokes here
A police officer pulls a guy over for speedingand has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended
when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this
vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of
it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove
box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after
I shot and killed the woman who owns this car
and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called
his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by
police, and the captain approached the driver
to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove
box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove
box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk?
I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer
who stopped you said you told him you didn't
have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the
glove box, and that there was a dead body in the
trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding,
too.
18.01.11, 17:36
walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt very
close to nature and even close to God.
He felt so close to God that he felt if he spoke God would
listen. So he asked, "God, are you listening?"
And God replied, "Yes my son, I am here."
The man stopped and pondered some more. He looked towards
the sky and said, "God, what is a million years to you?" God
replied, "Well my son, a second to me is like a million years
to you."
So the man continued to walk and to ponder... walk and
ponder... Then he looked to the sky again and said,
"God, what is a million dollars to you?" And God replied,
"My son, my son...a penny to me is like a million dollars to
you. It means almost nothing to me. It does not even have a
value it is so little."
The man looked down, pondered a bit and then looked up to
the sky and said, "God, can I have a million dollars?"
And God replied, "In a second."
Post your jokes here
A man was walking through a forest pondering life. Hewalked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt very
close to nature and even close to God.
He felt so close to God that he felt if he spoke God would
listen. So he asked, "God, are you listening?"
And God replied, "Yes my son, I am here."
The man stopped and pondered some more. He looked towards
the sky and said, "God, what is a million years to you?" God
replied, "Well my son, a second to me is like a million years
to you."
So the man continued to walk and to ponder... walk and
ponder... Then he looked to the sky again and said,
"God, what is a million dollars to you?" And God replied,
"My son, my son...a penny to me is like a million dollars to
you. It means almost nothing to me. It does not even have a
value it is so little."
The man looked down, pondered a bit and then looked up to
the sky and said, "God, can I have a million dollars?"
And God replied, "In a second."
07.09.09, 20:59
The guys are all d***k and at one point one says:
Guy 1: *hic* You know...If I had another beer I bet I could jump off this cliff and fly back up.
Guy 2: *hic* Yeah right!
Guy 1: I'll bet you $50 I can!
Guys 2: *hic* Yeah sure!
Guy 3: ...
So the guys are outside now. The first guy jumps off the cliff and sure enough, he flies back up to safety.
Guy 2: *hic* What! Well....I bet I could do that to if I had another beer!
Guy 3: ...
The second guy jumps off the cliff and breaks all his bones. Suddenly the third guy turns over to the first guy and says:
Guy 3: You know Superman? You can be such an asshole sometimes.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Airplane passengers watch nervously as two men wearing pilots' uniforms and dark glasses use canes to feel their way into the cockpit. The plane starts barreling down the runway, and the passengers begin to get scared as the water at the end of the airstrip nears. With only a few yards left, everyone screams, but the plane lifts off just in time. The passengers think it was all a joke, while in the cockpit, the pilots high five.
"You know," says one pilot to the other, "one day theyâ??re going to scream too late, and we're going to die."
-----------------------------------------------------------------
There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at the local grocery store. The manager doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks short of a load, or his elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.
To prove it, sometimes the boys offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger.
One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, the store manager got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!"
------------------------------------------------------------------
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have received an A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
Post your jokes here
Three guys are in a bar, that's located on top of a very dangerous cliff.The guys are all d***k and at one point one says:
Guy 1: *hic* You know...If I had another beer I bet I could jump off this cliff and fly back up.
Guy 2: *hic* Yeah right!
Guy 1: I'll bet you $50 I can!
Guys 2: *hic* Yeah sure!
Guy 3: ...
So the guys are outside now. The first guy jumps off the cliff and sure enough, he flies back up to safety.
Guy 2: *hic* What! Well....I bet I could do that to if I had another beer!
Guy 3: ...
The second guy jumps off the cliff and breaks all his bones. Suddenly the third guy turns over to the first guy and says:
Guy 3: You know Superman? You can be such an asshole sometimes.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Airplane passengers watch nervously as two men wearing pilots' uniforms and dark glasses use canes to feel their way into the cockpit. The plane starts barreling down the runway, and the passengers begin to get scared as the water at the end of the airstrip nears. With only a few yards left, everyone screams, but the plane lifts off just in time. The passengers think it was all a joke, while in the cockpit, the pilots high five.
"You know," says one pilot to the other, "one day theyâ??re going to scream too late, and we're going to die."
-----------------------------------------------------------------
There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at the local grocery store. The manager doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks short of a load, or his elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.
To prove it, sometimes the boys offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger.
One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, the store manager got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!"
------------------------------------------------------------------
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have received an A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
26.08.09, 19:46
Chief: Now you must stuff each apple up your butt without making a sound or showing any type of emotion. Or else we will eat you
Reluctantly the first guy attempts to place the apples up his butt, so far so good as the first apple goes in without any problems and as he starts placing the second one in he screams. So the canibals eat him and wait as the second guy approachs with a handful of berries.
Chief: Now you must stuff each berry up your butt without making a sound or showing any type of emotion. Or else we will eat you.
Guy 2: Ok?
A few moments pass and the second guy seems to almost be done. While he was placing the final berry in he suddenly starts laughing hysterically. So the canibals eat him. Guy one and two meet up with each other in heaven.
Guy 1: What the hell were you laughing for? You were almost done!
Guy 2: I know, I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy coming with pineapples!
Post your jokes here
Three guys find themselves ship wrecked on Canibal Island. After a few days of being on the island the chief of the island and his men capture them and tell the ship wrecked crew that they will not eat them if they each bring ten pieces of the same fruit to there chief. Not wanting to be eattin they crew men agree to this. About half an hour has passed and one of the three men returns with a handful of apples and presents them to the chief.Chief: Now you must stuff each apple up your butt without making a sound or showing any type of emotion. Or else we will eat you
Reluctantly the first guy attempts to place the apples up his butt, so far so good as the first apple goes in without any problems and as he starts placing the second one in he screams. So the canibals eat him and wait as the second guy approachs with a handful of berries.
Chief: Now you must stuff each berry up your butt without making a sound or showing any type of emotion. Or else we will eat you.
Guy 2: Ok?
A few moments pass and the second guy seems to almost be done. While he was placing the final berry in he suddenly starts laughing hysterically. So the canibals eat him. Guy one and two meet up with each other in heaven.
Guy 1: What the hell were you laughing for? You were almost done!
Guy 2: I know, I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy coming with pineapples!
