joke of the day

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candra_cox

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Joined: 18 Jul 07
From: Palestinian Territory
Posts: 12

Post #118 July 2007, 05:08
S**y Timepiece

A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, "Wow, that's a really fancy watch."
Thanks, says the guy, "It's the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it'll answer me, telepathically."

"Rubbish," says the girl.

"No, it's true," says that guy. "Look, tell you what, I'll prove it. I'll ask it if you've got any panties on."

The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, "Nope, it says you haven't got any panties on."

"Well, it's wrong," says the girl, "I do have panties on."

"D**n," says the guy, slapping his watch, "it's an hour fast!"

..................................................................


Flower Bribes

One Friday, two women were sitting and talking. One woman looked up and saw her husband coming down the street with a bunch of flowers in his hand.
She rolled her eyes and said, “There comes the a**hole with flowers in his hand. Now he'll expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air.”

Her friend promptly replied, “Don't you have a vase?”

...................................................................................................


The Firing Squad

A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad for his crimes. The evening before his execution, he was asked what he wanted for his last meal. He refused the meal completely.
The next morning the man was brought before the firing squad. When asked for his last request, the man said he had none. The General in charge of his execution asked him, ''Sir, you refused your last meal and your last request. Isn't there anything you want before you die?''

The man thought for a moment, then said, ''Music has always been an important part of my life. If I could do but one thing before I die, would you allow me to sing my favorite song from beginning to end, without interruption?''

The General thought this was a reasonable request, and ordered his men to lower their weapons and to not interrupt for the duration of the song.

''Ten million bottles of beer on the wall...''

.................................................................................................
P***s and Bread

Dad: Son, what is the difference a p***s and a loaf of bread?
Son: I don't know.

Dad: Then remind me to never send you to the store for a loaf of bread.

.................................
cute girl

FRAMARJOE

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Joined: 4 Sep 06
From: Serbia
Posts: 239

Post #218 July 2007, 05:31
OLD MAID: Hello Rescue 911? A s**x maniac has broken into my house! In fact he iss rrraaping mme rigthhh nowww.... Can you come and ahrrrest himmmm tomohrow mohhrrnning? ....ahhhlohhhh!

candra_cox

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Joined: 18 Jul 07
From: Palestinian Territory
Posts: 12

Post #318 July 2007, 05:33
thanx you for you reply

thanx alot

FRAMARJOE

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Joined: 4 Sep 06
From: Serbia
Posts: 239

Post #418 July 2007, 05:41

Quote of user: candra_cox

thanx you for you reply

thanx alot

...Thanks to you!....Because your topic is a nice!!

ash_666

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Joined: 9 Aug 05
From: United Kingdom
Posts: 980

Post #518 July 2007, 05:47
Q: What is the difference between erotic and k***y?
A: Erotic is using a feather... k***y is using the whole chicken.

FRAMARJOE

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Joined: 4 Sep 06
From: Serbia
Posts: 239

Post #618 July 2007, 05:50
I have one more:

Jamaican fireman came home from work, one day and said to his wife,
"Y'know sumptin womon, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station."
Bell 1 rings - we put on our jackets.
Bell 2 rings we slide down de pole.
Bell 3 rings -we jump on de ingine and we's ready to go.

"From now on womon, when I say, 'Bell one' I want you to strip naked.
When I say, 'Bell two' you jump on de bed.

When I say, 'Bell three' we's gonna mek love all tru de night girl."
The next night, he came home and shouted, "Bell One" and the wife stripped
naked! "Bell Two" and she jumped on the bed!
"Bell Three" and they started to make love!
After a few minutes, the wife yelled out, "Bell Four !!!!"


"WOMAN ... What de hell is 'Bell Four'?" he asked.
She replied, "Roll out more hose, mon, you ain't nowhere near de fire!"

candra_cox

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Joined: 18 Jul 07
From: Palestinian Territory
Posts: 12

Post #718 July 2007, 05:50
than you too for your reply gold zedger

thanx alot

JosephScorpion

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Joined: 7 Feb 05
From: Jordan
Posts: 2334

Post #818 July 2007, 05:53
hhahahahh good stories

they are so cool really

candra_cox

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Joined: 18 Jul 07
From: Palestinian Territory
Posts: 12

Post #918 July 2007, 05:54
framarjoe your jokes better than my jokes

i feel happy

ash_666

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Joined: 9 Aug 05
From: United Kingdom
Posts: 980

Post #1018 July 2007, 06:01
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that d**n cue ball he measures everything first!"

This post has been edited 1 time. The last edit took place 18.07.07, 06:01.

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