Two men held up a bus they stole everything from every one.one robber saw a lady in the back seat,approached her put a gun to her head and said"whats your name"the lady replied"oh please spare me my name is ELIZABETH.Then the robber told u are luck i wont kill you coz my moms name is also ELIZABETH.then the robber approached the bus driver and asked the same question..and the bus driver said fearfully"MY NAME IS JOHN BUT MY FRIENDS call me ELizabeth.

Kiss Defined
Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English: A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Engineering: Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.

Bobby returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father. " Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Santa?" "No son, that's because you are intelligent. " Bobby seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Santa ??"
"No son, that's because you are 31 years old."

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked
'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.

My freind told me this joke aliens are ubducting people with 12 inch penis i know it wont effect you but im just texting you to say good by

Losin ur tooth lessens sex drive accrding to d chinese "pk kw wla teeth wl kanTOOTH"so take gud cre of ur tooth.

A student sent telegram to his dad. It goes..."No fun,send money,ur son.
Dad writes back saying..."So sad,too bad,no money,ur dad.

a man was soooo dum he slept with a ruler to see how long he slept
a women was soooo dum she rang me to ask me my phone number

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."