Ok so I thought I'd post this topic here since the other one was in the General Section
So post whatever jokes you've got and let's keep this civil (if that's possible )

Lets hope it works.. That was no joke, sorry

ive got a step ladder....its not my real ladder...he left along time ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

went to the fish and chip shop and asked for fish and chips"fish arnt ready yet","will they be long"? "no"...."they better be fat then"!

Stiff at Last
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband gave his wife a gift - a tombstone, with the inscription: "Here LIies My Wife - Cold As Ever."

Later, the furious wife bought a return present - also a tombstone, on which the inscription read: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last."

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.

As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!"

"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a nice, tight butt!"

Saran Wrap
A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only Saran Wrap. The guy askes the doctor, ''What do you think is wrong with me?''

The doctor replied,''I can clearly see you're nuts.''

Cross the Border
One day at the border the border guards noticed a huge group of mexicans that were crossing the border in pairs.

The guards went down to investigate and asked one man what was going on here. The man said," Well that sign says (NO TRESpassing)"

have you ever ate bear meat?......its ok but its a bit grizzly!!!!

ate a chess board once,and took it back it was stale mate "you sure"? check mate!