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GODWAYNE

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Joined: 14 Dec 12
From: South Africa
Posts: 3

Post #221119 December 2012, 19:46
a traffic cope stopped a car...sir registration and licence plz...a man in tha car answered "sorry police officer what is that?i just stole this car i don't know much about it!"

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Chevelle28

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Joined: 5 Oct 11
From: United States
Posts: 7

Post #22125 January 2013, 15:53
One day a redneck calls 911...."911 what is ur emergency"? "my wife needs an ambulance shes hurt, shes been attacked by a deer come quick" the operator says "ok sir calm down can u give me the address?" "its 37219 eucalyptus drive, hurry shes hurt reeeeeal bad""sir can u spell that for me?" theres a long pause & the redneck says" ill just drop her off on oak street & u can pick her up there"


After a night of drinking a man grabs his wife by the breat & says "you know if these things could give milk we could get rid of the cow", then he grabs her a**s & says "If this thing could lay eggs we could get rid of the chickens"...she looked at him & said "well if that thing could stay hard we could get rid of your brother" lol

This post has been edited 1 time. The last edit took place 05.01.13, 16:12.

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GODWAYNE

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Joined: 14 Dec 12
From: South Africa
Posts: 3

Post #22139 January 2013, 17:28
..She is pretending to b "deaf and mute"....she gets in the bank and got in action with robber's...they said to her "get down oh we going shoot you!"...they both realize shez "deaf n muted"..
The robber's manage to run free...the police question everyone even her!....police realize shez "deaf n muted"...oh ok..tha police then say "f**k it you all hostage's are arrested and you are taken for questions at the station!...

Tha so called pretending deaf muted lady is set free to go!..and she waz like "oo0h THANK GOD im off this s**t,and atleast i had the police man said i should be set free!"..

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RAJKUMAR2007

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Joined: 21 Mar 09
From: India
Posts: 333

Post #221410 January 2013, 10:02
Indian Hell
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is different hell for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.

He goes to American hell and asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the American devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day".

The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He checks out the Australian hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the American hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.

Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

But that is exactly the same as all the other hells why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asked the man.

"Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the Indian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for privat
e business
"

This post has been edited 1 time. The last edit took place 10.01.13, 10:03.

Evil_Spirit

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Joined: 21 Feb 09
From: United Kingdom
Posts: 32896

Post #221515 January 2013, 18:57
My Dear Husband, I'm writing this letter to tell u that I'm leaving you. I've been a good wife to u for the last 20 years and I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks haven been hell. Your boss called to tell me that u left your job today which was the last straw. Last week, you came home and u didn't even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new night gown. You ate in 2 minutes and went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You didn't tell me u love me anymore, u didn't want s**x or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either u are cheating on me or u don't love me anymore. Whatever the case, I'm gone....
YOUR EX-WIFE

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving to New Zealand together! Have a great life!....

REPLY :

Dear Ex-Wife, Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true u and I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what u have been. I watch TV soaps so much becoz they down out your constant whining and bitching. Too bad that doesn't work anymore. I did notice when u got a hairdo last week, but the 1st thing that came to my mind was 'you look just like a boy!'. Since my father raised me not to say anything if u can't say something nice, I didn't comment. When u cooked my favorite meal, u must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven't eaten prawns for 7 years. About the new night gown, I turned away from u becoz the $299.99 price tag was still on it, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $300 from me that morning. After all of this, i still loved u and felt we could work it out. So when I won the $20 million Lotto on Saturday, I left my job and bought 2 tickets for us to Paris, but when I got home u were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope u have fulfilling life u always wanted. My lawyer said that the LETTER u wrote ensures u won't get a dollar from me. So take care...
Signed....
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell And Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told u this, but my brother CARL was born CARLA. :P .I hope that's not a problem:P

__Shadow____

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Joined: 4 Dec 11
From: Mauritius
Posts: 43

Post #221619 January 2013, 15:22
Lawyer: I have a good and a bad news for you.

Man: What is the bad news?

Lawyer: The report says your blood matches with the blood found on the crime scene..

Man: S**t!!.. >_< what is the good news?

Lawyer: Your cholesterol is low... :P

RAJKUMAR2007

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Joined: 21 Mar 09
From: India
Posts: 333

Post #221728 January 2013, 05:51
Just read this inspiring story of a mechanic......

A giant ship engine failed. The owner of the ship called one professional after other but none of them was able to spot the problem to repair the ship engine.

Then they called an old gentleman who was repairing ships since his youth. He was carrying a large toolbox with him & he started to work as soon as he arrived. He inspected the engine thoroughly.

The ship owner was present there, looking at this man, hoping he would know what to do. After checking things carefully, this man opened his toolbox & pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!

After a week, the ship owner received a bill of $10,000 from the man.

What? the owners exclaimed. He hardly did anything!

So he wrote the old man a note saying, Please send us an itemized bill.?

The man sent a bill that read:

Tapping with a hammer...................... $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap....................... $ 9,998.00
*Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort makes all the difference!*

Chevelle28

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Joined: 5 Oct 11
From: United States
Posts: 7

Post #221830 January 2013, 08:14
what do u call a blonde with a dollar bill on top of her head? ALL U CAN EAT FOR UNDER A BUCK

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RAJKUMAR2007

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Joined: 21 Mar 09
From: India
Posts: 333

Post #22199 February 2013, 13:08
The Perfect Son
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday


The Final Kiss!
A biker stops when he notice a young girl who's about to jump off a bridge.

He asks her: Do you mind giving me the final kiss before you jump?

She quietly accepted and gave him one of the deepest lingering kisses he had ever had.

When she finished, the biker said: Wow, this is the best Kiss I ever had. Why are you committing suicide?

She replied: My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl...

This post has been edited 1 time. The last edit took place 09.02.13, 13:10.

Chevelle28

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Joined: 5 Oct 11
From: United States
Posts: 7

Post #222022 February 2013, 02:15
A lady is driving with her kids on the freeway when a d***o flies out of the back of a garbage truck & hits their windshield. Being embarrasses the mother says "thats the biggest insect ive ever seen" her children are quiet & then her 7 year old says " im surprised he can fly that good with a p***s that big"

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