Do you think before you speak?

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cmdr_MD

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Joined: 9 Nov 04
From: Malaysia
Posts: 800

Post #111 October 2006, 18:13

Bou3lm: I got this by E-mail
Enjoy it


FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" Hearing myself, I turned right around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word ... he knew better.


SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type that I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who work at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and run amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said loudly in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three year old son had a lot of problems with p***y training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven month old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go p***y in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.". Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any...? Here's a true story:

We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did, too - they were laughing so hard!

Quitter

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Post #211 October 2006, 18:23
good post ....really funny

Crimson_Apple

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Joined: 30 May 06
From: United Arab Emirates
Posts: 1752

Post #311 October 2006, 18:35
yah nice one Bou3lm sometime i find my self in same situation even thu i try to think

yianni444

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Joined: 23 Jun 05
From: Greece
Posts: 235

Post #411 October 2006, 18:46
The last one was the best

not 6 not 7 8 inches. Hmmmm can I make her Happy

for_bid

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Joined: 4 Aug 06
From: Ghana
Posts: 6081

Post #512 October 2006, 10:00
very nice.

i like the forth and the fifth more

koolkaz15

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Joined: 27 Sep 06
From: Nigeria
Posts: 1135

Post #612 October 2006, 15:09
Whao

for_bid

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Joined: 4 Aug 06
From: Ghana
Posts: 6081

Post #713 October 2006, 07:12
Its sometimes good not to think before speaking cos its an antidote for stress else you might probably die early

koolkaz15

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Joined: 27 Sep 06
From: Nigeria
Posts: 1135

Post #813 October 2006, 07:15
like saying, can you do anything 4 me?

JosephScorpion

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Joined: 7 Feb 05
From: Jordan
Posts: 2334

Post #913 October 2006, 07:16
Some times but not always

Butterfly_

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Joined: 9 Nov 06
From: Egypt
Posts: 3

Post #1010 November 2006, 06:38
Nice 1 so funny

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