i am the new chuck norris
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Jonnell
Jonnell doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Jonnell has allowed living.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Jonnell
Jonnell does not sleep. He waits.
Jonnell is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Jonnell counted to infinity - twice.
When Jonnell does a push up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Jonnell is so fast; he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Jonnell’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no such thing as global warming. Jonnell was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Jonnell can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Jonnell doesn’t wear a watch; HE decides what time it is.
Jonnell gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Jonnell can slam a revolving door.
Jonnell does not get frostbite. Jonnell bites frost
When Jonnell calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Jonnell once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Jonnell likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
There are no races, only countries of people Jonnell has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
When Jonnell was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he Irish head butted the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Jonnell can't finish a "colour by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
A Jonnell -delivered Irish head butt is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Jonnell falls in water, Jonnell doesn't get wet. Water gets Jonnell.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1MrBHB (Jonnell Irish head butt)
Jonnell’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
When Jonnell has sex with a man, it will be because he is gay. Not because he has run out of women.
Jonnell doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
In honour of Jonnell, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Irished
Jonnell CAN believes it's not butter.
If tapped, a Jonnell Irish head butt could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Jonnell can divide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Jonnell has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Jonnell is worth 1 billion pictures.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Jonnell Irish head butt.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Jonnell just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Jonnell is easily capable of welding titanium.
Jonnell once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When Jonnell talks, everybody listens. And dies.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Jonnell kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Jonnell calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Jonnell to go around.
Jonnell doesn’t shave; he Irish head butts himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Jonnell is Jonnell.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Jonnell, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Jonnell always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
When taking the SAT, write "Jonnell" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Jonnell invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Gurd invented pink.
Jonnell has the greatest Poker Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
On his birthday, Jonnell randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Jonnell.
Jonnell doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Jonnell throws down!
In the beginning there was nothing...then Jonnell Irish head butted that nothing in the face and said, "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Jonnell has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Jonnell grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Jonnell"
Jonnell ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Jonnell and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search "Jonnell getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Jonnell can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Little known medical fact: Jonnell invented the Caesarean section when he Irish head butted his way out of his mother’s womb.
Jonnell doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Jonnell. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
It takes Jonnell 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Jonnell will find you and kill you.
Jonnell has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Jonnell Irish head butted one of the corners off.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Jonnell lives in Walsall.
Jonnell doesn't believe in Germany.
When Jonnell is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
Jonnell once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
James Cameron wanted Jonnell to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Jonnell can touch MC Hammer.
Thousands of years ago Jonnell came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decedents now have white hair.
Jonnell played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Jonnell smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
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Post #1318 July 2006, 19:56 
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