ok here goes

blindman walks into a bar swinging his dog over his head
bartender asks him y he's swinging his dog over his head
blindman replies im havin a look around

hahahaha

thanx u <bows>

George Bush meets with the Queen of England.

He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushes a button on her intercom.
"Please, send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?" The Queen smiles "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "Well, your Majesty, that would be me."

"Yes, Very good," says the Queen

Bush goes back home to ask Dick Cheney, his Vice President, the same question. "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," says Cheney, "let me get back to you on that one." Cheney goes to his Advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Cheney shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!" Cheney smiles, and says, "Thanks!"

Then, Cheney goes back to speak with Bush. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell."

Bush gets up, stomps over to Cheney and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!) The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit.
She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. "Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president did. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The President asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."

thats long.....

@amaway nice 1 m8 lol

Two couples were playing cards one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife Sue, legs spread wide, wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well, indeed he did.
She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial as well as the moral costs of this offer, John indicates that he is indeed interested. She tells him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, that John should be at her house around 2.00 Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house for the planned time with Sue at 2:00 PM sharp and after paying her the agreed sum of $500, they went to the bedroom and closed their sexual transaction as Sue had promised.
Afterwards, John quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bill came home from work at 6:00 PM and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly, "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
A little worried, Bill's wife answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."
Her heart nearly stopped when her husband curtly asked," And did he give you $500?"
In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out, and after mustering up her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."
Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Girls Night Out
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten
over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee. So they decided to stop in a nearby cemetery. Having nothing to wipe with, one of them thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said "These damn girl's nights out have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!"
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said "From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."